Take a deep breath, let it all out...

So 2006 proved 2 b another interesting yr. There r some thingz that , given a chance 2, I would rethink n do all over again. I learned more, took 2 stepz back on my self esteem (2 the dismay of friendz n family that new me, be4 some of the small tragediez), I took on 2 much @ some pointz, n not enuff on otherz. I trusted, n believed, only 2 b decieved, n yet, still I loved. N yet still I love. Confusing. I lied, n learned, it took 1 time, n w/ that 1 time, 4 now I am ostrisized, cast aside n suffer tho I had been 4given. Had been being key here. Taksey-backsey ..az it didn't fit in2 hiz scheming of thingz. Need I say more? My children grew, n we switched schoolz, oh! 4 the best!! Hooray I shout 2 the heavenz!! We moved 2 a slightly more culturally diverse community, tho I am finding, I crave more..4 it 2 b more, so it might bring about more understanding. I learned that, az the saying goez...'kissez r'nt contractz' n obviously 4 some promisez r meant 2 b broken. I am in love w/ the thought of being in love, so I have been told. I let in the light by which 2 c, hopeing beyond all hope that it would also evelope a significant other, only 2 find the door 2 enlightenment closed, tho @ 1st it had been open a tad-- but by forcez outside of my control/ or rather our relationship, it waz not meant 2 b, @ thiz time. I am hopeful 4 a better 2morrow, a better new yr...becuz if u don't have hope n u don't have faith-- what do u have?

Mayb one day I will think these wordz r wasted..

Az thiz year frantically spiralz 2 an end, I realize how many tearz I cried, n how frozen by ur wordz they have become. I ask myself...'Waz it almost 2 yrz of ur smile, ur voice, ur touch n thoze 3 wordz that u could never have said enuff? Waz it a lie, waz it ur version of truth, waz it an assemblance of trying 2 b some1 u jus couldn't? N did u really mean it all thoze timez u said 'I love u?'

W/ these thoughtz in mind, the 1'z u have left me w/, n az my belly growz each day from the fruits of a love that once existed, I wonder will my tearz 4 u ever freeze? Will thiz ache, thiz void that consumez the deepest reachez of my soul, ever fill again?

When I look @ these wordz that I type here. I know I can do thiz. I know I am strong. I have done thiz be4. Only fresh woundz from slivery knived wordz that u spew, show on the tirednezz of my face. It iz inconcievable 4 me 2 believe that the person I know, as U....could b so shallow, so selfish, n yet I wonder if u will ever truly realize how good 'we' were. U n I. How melded we became when 2gether. I wondered sometimez laying next 2 u, where I left off n u began...the only sense of difference, my creamy skin, against the silky blacknezz of urz. I ask, how did it get here? 2 thiz nothingnezz? My head still spinning, my mind reeling.